Parents: Finding your place in the college process


 Planning for college can be both exciting and overwhelming. This is true not just for teens, but perhaps doubly so for parents, who want to get it right while balancing your relationship with your child in the process.

Read on for our perspectives on how to find your role as a parent in the process –

As you are likely to have experienced, your teen is seeking more independence from parents as they move through middle and high school. This is a natural and important developmental step for teens to transition into adulthood. However, this can become tricky when the stakes of preparing for college feel high. As a parent, it’s easy to feel caught in the middle of keeping their future in mind, while trying to let them stretch their independence in their adolescent years. In over two decades working with teens in the college process, here are a few guiding principles we’ve learned that help families navigate with less friction and more growth.

Start by doing your own homework

While students need time to figure out their personal sense of fit and their vision for life in college, the truth is, parents need to take time to think through what matters to us as well. Examine what your expectations and assumptions are around life after high school for your child, and whether that vision is rooted in your own experience, or what you truly believe your child will need to thrive. Parents can just as easily get caught up in the social pressures around college as teens. When you want your child to take a particular class, or keep up with a certain activity or leadership role, what is motivating that desire? The more you have considered your own perspectives on college, the more you will be able to meet your child where they are in the process, create room for their uncertainties, and hear what they really want and need. Along those lines, it’s also important to take time to understand the practical pieces, like college finances and logistical aspects or costs of distance from home so that you can assess what is feasible for your family.

Communicate parameters transparently

Teens do need to know what the parameters are as they make college plans and move forward in the college process. The most difficult circumstances arise when limitations don’t show up until very late in the planning conversations. Deciding and communicating what qualifies as too expensive or infeasible after your child has been admitted will create a lot of tension. Though teens may not be pleased by limits, knowing the honest parameters of what is feasible early in the process will help them to build a realistic plan as they explore college options.

The same is true of the process itself. If, for example, you expect your teen to finish taking SAT and ACT testing in junior year, they need to know that at the start of the school year, or even earlier. If the plan is that they need to complete applications before winter break because of a family trip, that expectation needs to be clear from the beginning of the summer before senior year. Establishing the parameters clearly and early on gives your teen the freedom to manage and make choices within the framework you provide.

Get curious and create space for their choices

Through years of working with high school students, we have observed that providing choices, asking questions, and coming from a place of curiosity are very helpful approaches. Moving through high school to define their interests and build a vision of what they want and need in the college experience is a process of self-exploration. Throughout that process, you have a powerful ability to affirm their strengths, to reflect back who they are, and to attest to their capability to navigate the inevitable rocky waters. As a parent, your role is to provide healthy space and the opportunities to empower your kids to find their way and make their own choices.

Curious to explore the how of parenting through the college process?

Join us to learn the best ways to support your teen during this phase of life–

We invite you to join our upcoming webinar – free & open to the public!

Parent Roles in the College Admissions Process

Wednesday April 9th 6 p.m. MDT | 8 p.m. EDT

Simply click here to register and receive the link.

Invite a friend, we look forward to seeing you there!

We will dive into what a healthy balance can look like between giving your teen space to grow and explore separate from you, while still providing support when needed as they navigate the college process and the transition to adulthood.

Contact Us

Location: Denver, CO, USA

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