Feeling Like Your Teen Is Struggling With Motivation This Summer? You’re Not Alone

 

At TBU, we’ve been reflecting on young people and parents lately. This summer, we are seeing new challenges arrive for families navigating the college process that seem to be unique to this particular moment in time, following an unprecedented global pandemic and its impacts.

If you are noticing that your child is exhausted, slow to get started on college planning tasks, or struggling to summon the motivation for thinking about their future, you are not alone.

Here are some of our observations from working with many students and families this season, and some tips to support your child’s growth through this time:

What we are seeing —

While we can’t speak for all students and families, we are seeing some trends emerge:

Students are exhausted. Following almost a year and a half of uncertainty and altered plans, students are weary and need the summer to decompress. This is natural and may look like a lack of motivation or follow through. In our experience, a dip in motivation is a symptom, not the problem.

Parents are having a harder time letting go. It makes sense. We love our kids, and we want them to succeed. We do not want to let opportunities pass them by and we are anxious about the ways in which the disruptions of the past 18 months are impacting them. Many parents are feeling the pull to jump in and move things forward where they perceive their students are not taking enough ownership. Here’s the challenge; almost always, this exacerbates the student’s lack of engagement.

Students are hesitant to leave their comfort zones. Teens are rebuilding the muscles of in-person social engagement, healthy risk taking, and exploration after the relative isolation brought on by the pandemic. As a result, many young people are showing hesitancy in taking on new challenges and experiences that are beyond their comfort zones.

What you can do to get unstuck and cultivate growth —

Students do need decompression time – we all need to replenish our energy and focus. Building in time for the activities (or lack there of!) that are restorative is an important part of having the fuel to engage college planning work. Hold this in balance with activities and involvements that promote personal growth, self-awareness, connection, and even a bit of discomfort.

Encourage your teen to do activities outside of their comfort zone. This is the space where we learn, so support your student in identifying opportunities that bridge an interest, passion or curiosity they have, with opportunities to engage beyond the familiar. Colleges love to see students get outside of their own school or neighborhood to build relationships and engage meaningfully in communities outside of their comfort zones.

If you have a rising 12th grader, encourage them to gently begin the application process by starting to write their personal essay and registering for a Common App account to become familiar with the expectations before their application officially opens on August 1st. Perhaps start by asking how they want to feel about their college process on the first day of school, and what steps they could take now to ensure that goal. Rather than telling them what they should do, this type of frame encourages your child to take ownership over their own process, and lean on you for support in achieving their own goals.

Parents: Seek opportunities to let go and foster your child’s independence. Give your child space to process and reflect on their college research and exploration. Empower them to attend college counseling meetings independently. Give them the space to write their own essay, and find their own voice.

The more we can resist the urge to take over, instead seeking opportunities for our children’s growth, independence, and voice, the better they will cultivate the resilience that will carry them to college and beyond.

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